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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Pancakes/Coupons Fiasco

Wow. It has been nearly a month since I posted on this blog. I'm not sure why; believe me, it isn't because Kalisha has not provided new material. (Joke intended)

I want to tell you about the last two days and a pancake obsession by the Coupon Queen. In this case, that would be Kalisha; however, in all fairness, her mother, (that would be me) does use coupons occasionally and she has seen and heard me do that.

Kalisha and I went to IHOP for lunch one Sunday after church. When she got home, she went online and took a survey, for which they rewarded her with a free stack of buttermilk pancakes, no purchase necessary.
Then she joined the IHOP CLUB (or something similar) and printed off another coupon for a free stack of pancakes with fruit on top.
Now she has 2 coupons for free pancakes. She invited me to go with her and use one of them. I accepted the invitation but told her it would have to be the weekend. Not soon enough, apparently.
Two days ago, I read her post on FB asking what friends would like to go with her to eat free pancakes. She received several replies. One friend didn't have a way to the IHOP on Coldwater and Coliseum, but she had 2 other friends who wanted to go, if their mom could take them. In the meantime, she was going to hedge her bet by calling a 'driving' friend and inviting her.
Okay, now we have 4 people eating pancakes and 2 coupons. Who gets the coupons? Of course, Kalisha was going to use one of them, but she still had a dilemma. She wanted them all to go and wasn't going to uninvite anyone. (I wouldn't have allowed her to do that.)
 I told her the only solution was for her to pay for the other 2 friends' pancakes. She agreed. I know her so well and was having visions of her getting there, being caught up in the moment and ordering bacon, eggs, sausage to go with the pancakes.
The mother of the 2 girls texted me and wanted to know the details of this outing since she was making a 50-mile round trip to IHOP. I told her my plan of having Kalisha pay for ALL the pancakes with her debit card and if they wanted anything else, they had to pay. She agreed and said she would send cash for their drinks and they could give it to Kalisha. I started laughing before I even answered her.
 This was my text: "No, No No. OMGosh, Patty, do not have them give Kalisha the cash for the drinks. There is no one on the planet who gets more confused about money than Kalisha. LOL"
She totally understood and said her girls were the same with money. Okay, now...I am having reservations about how this will all go down. So....ever wanting to be in control, of course, I texted Anna and told her she would need to be the financier for these 3 girls.

Anna arrived to pick Kalisha up, had NOT read the text and said her coupon could be used by someone else because she liked French Toast and would pay for her own. A little more confusion for Kalisha.

I rehearsed the scenario with Kalisha about 6 times.
"What are you getting with your pancakes?"
"Just a drink."
Who is paying for ALL the pancakes?"
"Me. With my debit card."
"Why are you paying?"
"Because I invited everyone on FB."

Off they went.
I often wonder how many times God will humor me when I get like this about a situation? She came home and said they had a wonderful time. She had pumpkin pancakes with fruit and the girls had their choices. Everyone got just the pancakes and a drink, they paid for their drink and she paid for pancakes.
She asked the manager how to make pumpkin pancakes. He told her. She said he was a wonderful person and so nice (kudos to IHOP) and after all that, she could only use one coupon per visit.
So.....she has a coupon for another visit.

Are you rolling with laughter yet?

Monday, September 29, 2014

The Secret to Younger-Looking Skin

Yesterday Kalisha and I were at an event; selling books and interacting with lots of people.
 Someone who purchased a book, made the comment to Kalisha, "You surely can't be 30 years old. You have such a young complexion."
I may have discovered Kalisha's secret and I, being the nice person I am, want to share it with you. NO cost for this information.

As you may know if you follow my FB page; it has been a month of 'cleaning, rearranging, getting rid of things' at our house.
There has been a garage sale, several trips to the donations box, give-aways, discards, and a lot of painting.

Amidst this re-do, I finally made it to the upstairs bathroom. I sorted all things in the linen closet and then tackled the vanity drawers and medicine chest shelves.
As I was 'pitching' things into the wastebasket, (who keeps old toothbrushes?) I found a jar of cleansing pads on Kalisha's shelf. I read the label and proceeded to ask her why those were on the shelf in her section of the medicine chest. I carried it into her room so she could see it.
"Oh those," she said. "That's what I clean my face with every night. Where did you want me to keep them?"
Now you know I was laughing so hard I had to sit down. "Kalisha, did you read the fine print on this jar?"
"No. But it says medicated pads, doesn't it?"
"Yes, it does, but it also says it is hemorrhoidal and vaginal wipes."
Her eyes opened pretty wide while she digested that information. Then she started laughing too.
"Oh takes make-up off really quick."
Yep, I bet it does; and obviously it keeps the wrinkles away at the same time.
Now you know. Aren't you happy I shared this information with you?

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Little Debbie....Round 2

To state Kalisha becomes obsessed with something is an understatement. I realize I have written about this before, but I am revisiting it today. I saw a cartoon on an autism site which said, "I am not addicted. I am obsessed." Yes, I understand.

At least it makes me know she is not alone in this way of thinking; although I have to say I sometimes forget that and have a hard time understanding her obsessions with some weird things (or so they seem to me.) There have been shoes, certain clothing, and PHONES, of course. I understand the phone thing; it is her lifeline, her 'normal' thing.

Her current 'thing she has to have' is Little Debbie Cakes. This is not the first time around for these.

If you have read this blog for any time at all or if you have read the book, Not Different Enough,
you already know she is occasionally obsessed about a person or persons. This usually ends badly; for her.
Several years ago, she was totally obsessed with a city bus driver and rode her bus every day. This woman took advantage of Kalisha's benevolent nature and asked for Little Debbie Cakes every day. I can't begin to tell you how many boxes were purchased and shared or just given to this woman. (If you owned stock in Little Debbie, I'm sure you saw an increase in dividends during this time.)
At one point, Kalisha had 6-7 boxes of the Valentine cakes in her room. When the friendship became a disaster, the cakes were moved to the basement cupboard and eventually disposed of or given away or eaten; I don't remember.
Since that time, Kalisha has had a box every now and then, but recently, the LD urge took over again. She started with one box. Okay. She didn't even open it; she just HAD it. Then last week, she went into Kroger to buy 5 bottles of her flavored water. She came out with water and 2 more boxes of Little Debbies.
 However, the kind she really wanted...because she saw them online and on FB (Little Debbie has a FB page....who knew? Obviously, Kalisha.) were only available at the Coldwater WM. She couldn't rest until she found a box of those.
I asked her to take a picture of her boxes for this post, so she lined them up on the couch. She keeps them in the garage refrigerator and as you can see in the photo, only opens a box to get one for her lunch when she is packing it for her volunteer job.
It isn't like she gobbles them all down in one day or even a week. She may have these 4 boxes until the end of the year; but she HAS them and that's what counts, for her.
I should probably be happy she is enamored with a fictional Little Debbie, instead of a real person. As I said earlier, those friendships rarely end well. More about the latest people obsession in the next post.



Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Conversations At the Funeral Home

I have no pictures for this post, darn...but I thought people might frown on me taking pictures last night at the funeral home.
The man in the casket, (I'll call him Jim) was the father of my ex-son-in-law. (Stay with me here. It gets complicated.) That means he was the grandfather of 3 of my grandchildren. I wouldn't say he was a friend, but we would visit with him and his wife at the grandkids' birthday parties and other gatherings over the years.
As we walked to the door of the funeral home, we passed a newly constructed area, approximately the size of a small room. There was a large, wall-size glass window in the front of it, right next to the sidewalk.
I said, "Look Kalisha. This is where they put your casket if you can't afford the big room inside. People can just walk past on the sidewalk and look at you."
She thought about that for a bit. I could see the wheels turning...then she looked at me and said, "What do they do if it's raining?" I had to tell her I was kidding; I had no idea what that room was for. But we had a good laugh about it.

As we stood in line, she asked, "So, he was the same age as Dad?"
"Yes, he was exactly one year younger than your dad."
"I wonder if anyone will call me when Dad dies."
"I'm sure someone will let you know, Kalisha."
"Will I have to say anything at the funeral?"
"I doubt it. But you better start practicing for what you're going to say at my funeral."
"Okay. Are you going to Dad's funeral?"
Now there's a question I have asked myself a few times. We were married for nearly 40 years and we do have 5 kids together, but would I go to the funeral? I haven't decided that yet.
"I will make sure you get there, Kalisha, whether I go or not."
"I think I better call Dad when we leave here."
"Why? Are you going to tell him you're checking on his health?"
"No. I will just talk for a little bit."
"Good idea."

When we reached his widow, Kalisha gave her a big hug and asked, "Are you going to be all right?"
Then..always wanting to know all the details, she asked, "Were you with him when he died?"
Sue explained the whole scenario and what happened and where and when.

Before we left, Kalisha spotted her ex-brother-in-law's half brother, Sam. (Are you still with me?)
We have not seen Sam in probably 10 years. I would not have recognized him. Kalisha went straight across the room to him, hugged him and told him she was sorry about his dad. I was watching and hoping this guy was really Sam. It was.
She saw several other people she knew. She is always gracious, shakes hands and chats a bit.

We left and as soon as she got outside, she called her dad. He was at a restaurant and didn't talk long. I think she just needed to know he was still alive or something.

Funeral homes do have a way of making you think about your own life and death, don't they?

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Getting It Right...Occasionally: Do We have To Change It?

Getting It Right...Occasionally: Do We have To Change It?: Kalisha likes her room just as it is ; dust bunnies and all. She knows where everything is and wants to keep it that way, even if 'that ...

Do We have To Change It?

Kalisha likes her room just as it is; dust bunnies and all. She knows where everything is and wants to keep it that way, even if 'that way' is a bit of a mess.
I recently made a list of all the tasks I wanted to do in each room of the house, including the basement, garage and deck. (I work much better with a list in hand, even if I change some things on the list.)
Kalisha's room was chosen to be the first in this undertaking; partly because it just required cleaning, rearranging and some 'throwing out' but no painting or redecorating.
She has had a FatHead ... this is a peelable life-sized image of someone....of Colts player #29, Joseph Addai, on her wall for several years. He is no longer a Colt and I'm not even sure he still plays in the NFL.
Although she really, really liked him, she did allow me to peel him off the wall, along with his number and helmet. THEN, I suggested we throw him away, instead of trying to 'save' him. I was pretty certain I was going to get some pushback, but she acquiesced, after hesitating for a bit.
Then I asked her to sort through all (and I mean a lot) her CDs and decide which were still good and which were scratched. That required entirely too much effort on her part, so we left them in the large bin under her bed. Another day, perhaps.
Drawers and DVDs were sort of sorted. That means I threw out all the socks with holes in them while she watched. I discovered 4 new pair, never worn; at the back of her drawer. Kalisha suffers from "male syndrome" (sorry, guys) which is this: If it is not visible in the immediate front of a drawer, it must not be there. Therefore she wears the same holey socks instead of looking for the new pairs in the back of the drawer. As you can see, socks are not high on her priority list.
THEN, we tackled the closet. Oh my. That took a bit because her closet isn't very big and she doesn't do the best job of hanging things on hangers. So first I had to empty the closet, then start putting things back.
Moving right along......we threw lots of scraps of paper away; old library receipts, notes, bank slips, grocery receipts. God forbid she ever throw any of it away when she gets home. No, it accumulates.
She also allowed me to put the last of her American Girl dolls in their boxes and store them in the back of the closet.
She wouldn't move or remove any Build-a-Bear animals.
 We did get some things on the shelf.
 And we added the clips to keep current papers visible.

 I covered up the Budweiser word on the top of her Colts sign..with electrical tape.
All in all, it looks good and the closet, drawers and desk are cleaned out. YES.
I was impressed with her agreeing to almost everything; she was more of the 'sidewalk superintendent' than the actual laborer, but I was happy she didn't argue about the boatload of stuff I threw away. That is particularly hard for Kalisha.