Sunday, February 7, 2016

X-Rated....You've Been Warned

I want to give you full warning this post contains some adult words and ideas. If you think you might be offended, please don't read it. You may be asking, why I would write it. Here's the deal. For you to know how Kalisha's brain works, you have to know these things and there are no 'nice' ways to say some of them.
It's still quite humorous but geez Louise, she often says exactly what is in her head. We work on this and she usually pauses for a few seconds before saying things. Also, she has outgrown the need to say everything, and now runs most sensitive things past me first.
This is a conversation we had while driving somewhere last week.
Me: Are you and Paul (not his real name) going to the Valentine Dance on Friday?

K: Yeah. He wants me to go.

Me: Don't you want to go?

K: I do.

Me: Do the two of you actually dance?

K: Yes, we dance and kiss sometimes.

Me: Good. I'm happy you have a boyfriend.

K: Do you think we'll get married some day?

Me: I don't know. Do YOU think you'll get married?

K: Probably.

Me: Do you love him or just like him?

K: I love him but you know how I am...I get really excited about something and then after a while, I'm not interested anymore.

***She is quite introspective about many things and knows herself very well

Me: Well, that's true but you know how you are, so maybe you need to pray about it.

K: Yeah, cause I couldn't do that with marriage. I couldn't just say 'I'm tired of this and I'm done being married because marriage is supposed to be forever.'

***There are a lot of people who should take her advice.

Me: Yes, that's true. Do you and Paul ever talk about getting married?

K: Not really. His parents said he can't get married for a long time yet.

Me: Okay. Do you think he knows what being married means?

K: You mean having sex? Like when he puts _____ his_____ in _____my ______?

Me: Yes...that is an important part...but there's more to marriage than sex.

K: I wonder if he knows about sex.

Me: I don't know and I don't know how you will find out.

***WAIT FOR IT.....

K: I think the next time I see his parents, I'll say, "So, does Paul know all about sex?"

*** In Kalisha's mind, if you want to know something, the logical thing to do, is ask.

It takes a lot to rattle me when it comes to Kalisha, but the scene and the conversation she just described flashed across my mind like a meteor. I continued driving and said, "Honey, I really don't think it would be a good idea to ask that question, okay?"

K: Okay.

I warned you, didn't I?


Saturday, February 6, 2016

Another Birthday...Oh My

Today is Kalisha's 32nd birthday. Yikes. I find that hard to believe but the numbers don't lie, so I guess it is true. She approaches birthdays in her own unique way. She invariably wants a party and thinks of various ways to make that happen.
This year, I first knew she was planning one when I saw the invitation on Facebook.




"Ka li shaaaaaa, what does this invitation mean? When and where are you having this party?"
As she comes down the stairs, "On my birthday and we can have it here."
Me, sighing..."Geez, Kalisha, do you think we might have talked about this first?"
"I'll take care of it, Mom. I will make all the plans and buy the stuff, okay? It's my job."
Me: "Okay. This is your baby. I am not going to do anything. I might vacuum but that's it. If you already made plans, go for it." (What was I saying????)
She changed the date 3 times because the one person she REALLY wanted to come was not available several of the first choices. We did talk about the problems with that and trying to please every one. I suggested she choose a date and stick to it, no matter who could or couldn't attend. Okay, she agreed.

She did really well. She bought the ice cream, soda, and some candy for the treat bags. Speaking of treat bags, I did talk her out of the huge brown paper lunch bags. She would have to buy a bushel basket of candy to fill them. She is using regular party treat bags. She is going to order pizza delivered for the food and she bought a cake mix and frosting, that SHE is going to make.

THEN...(did you think she was done with her plans? au contraire.) she sent me an email. In case you don't know, we live in the same house. She wanted a 'package deal' the local Minor League Baseball team was offering for Valentine's day. It consisted of having the mascot arrive at our house, delivering balloons, card, cake and 2 tickets to the first game of the season. I told her I would split the cost of that with her for her birthday gift, but it wouldn't be on her birthday because it was a Valentine's promotion. She told me she would call and ask them to deliver it on her party day and make it a birthday promotion.
Me: "Kalisha, they are going to be very busy for Valentine's Day. I don't think they are going to change days and celebrations for you."
Kalisha, about 30 minutes later: "Hey, Mom, I called and they said they would come on Monday instead and make it a birthday thing."
I'm pretty sure she missed her calling. I've said it before; she should be a negotiator of some kind.

So, let's recap. She has 5 friends coming. They will have pizza and pop. They are going to play UNO or Sorry, (her choices) 'Johnny' of the baseball team is showing up in my living room and bringing all kinds of stuff with him, they are going to eat cake and ice cream.

Perhaps I will go to the local tavern and have a drink while this is happening; that way I won't be tempted to jump in and "fix" something.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

The Rope Is Fraying

 
 


There was a time, not so long ago, when I was arguing with my older children's logic. (Imagine that)
We were discussing the subject of Kalisha moving out and living on her own. Their argument for that was: 'When you die, Mom, it will be extremely traumatic for Kalisha. If she then has to leave her home and move somewhere unfamiliar, that will be a double whammy for her. It would be much better for her, and you, if she moved out while you are still alive.'
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard and understood what they were saying, but...my arguments were: 'I am not going to die any time soon and we have lots of time to discuss this. Besides, this is a big house. It seems like a waste of money and space for both of us to pay to live in separate places and I like having her here. We aren't always together; she does her things with her friends and I do mine. We aren't attached at the hip or anything.'

Then came July, 2015. I wish I could tell you exactly WHAT happened in July, but the truth is, I don't know. Here is what I do know: (If any of this becomes TMI ..too much information...for you, please stop reading)
I started writing a fictional love story.
I believe I inadvertently placed myself in that story
I awakened feelings in myself I haven't had for nearly 20 years. Feelings that told me I would welcome a man in my life again.
That whole scenario led into other things. I began to see my life separate from Kalisha. The cord or rope that bound us together had begun to fray.
Then a housing idea was born by a man who worked at Bethesda. Now he is the Director of a housing concept called CASS. I won't go into the details here but if you follow the link I provide at the end of this post, you can learn all about it.
It is the perfect scenario for Kalisha to live by herself and still be safe and close to friends.
Is it a coincidence that the housing and my feelings happened at the same time? I don't think so. The rope frayed a little more.
One reason I could never even consider the possibility of moving out of state was that Kalisha would lose all her waiver benefits. They do not cross state lines..stupid, isn't it, in this mobile society. She waited over 10 years to get those benefits; I wasn't going to take her somewhere she wouldn't have them.
If she is comfortably established in her own residence, I could move if I wanted or if I met and fell in love with a man from another state.
Now, before you think I am going to dump Kalisha in an apartment and run off with someone, I want you to know...that would never happen. I will never stop loving her. I will never stop wanting to be there for her if she needs me. I will never abandon her for any reason and she knows that. too. We discuss it often.
However, I believe the rope frays a bit more each passing day or month and eventually, she will not need me. Want me in her life? Yes, but not NEED me there.
I will be terribly sad and lonesome and so will she for a while but it will pass and we will grow. I know that in my heart and in my head.
It seems every day there is something else that I think of that will be different. Last week, I wrote some thank you cards. As I signed them, "Gloria and Kalisha" I had tears in my eyes thinking about the time when I will just sign my name.
Will it be hard? YES!!! Will there be days I want to forget the whole idea? YES!!! Is it necessary for her to grow and become an independent young woman who can survive without me? YES!!!
And it is necessary for me, also. In more ways than I can tell you.

www.casshousing.org

Friday, January 8, 2016

Getting It Right...Occasionally: Chasing Little Debbie

Getting It Right...Occasionally: Chasing Little Debbie: I realize this post is going to make some readers scratch their heads and ask what is wrong with me. I get that a lot and I'm used to it...

Chasing Little Debbie

I realize this post is going to make some readers scratch their heads and ask what is wrong with me. I get that a lot and I'm used to it, so it won't bother me at all.
Kalisha and I made a trip to Texas to visit another daughter and her family for two weeks before Christmas. Even though it shouldn't have, this seemed to throw our usual Christmas 'doings' out of whack. We missed the various activities we are usually involved in at that time of year: the lighting of a Santa display downtown, the lighting of a huge real Christmas tree adorned with 10,000 tiny lights and several others.

Being 'out of whack' is never a good thing when Kalisha is involved. She mourned the missing of those things for the first few days we were in Texas and her attitude was not stellar. She did, however, pull it back together and all was good.

When we returned home, it seemed like it was nearly time for Christmas. I didn't put up nearly as many decorations as I usually do, I baked only one kind of cookie...no fudge...and we had not shopped for each other.

She couldn't think of one thing she wanted or needed. We all know her wardrobe is filled with Colts and Tincaps shirts, she only wears a select few jeans and sweat pants. Purchasing more is an effort in futility because she will take them back anyway. She was 'stuck' on Bath & Body products but she purchased all the kinds she wanted BEFORE Christmas.

Soooooo, we agreed we would not buy anything for each other this year. She did want ONE  thing...a box of a certain kind of Little Debbie bars. A new kind, made just for Christmas and unavailable in the city of Fort Wayne...almost.

Kalisha started calling groceries, pharmacies, big-box stores, anywhere that might carry Little Debbies. Can you imagine working a few days before Christmas, being beyond busy and having someone call and ask you to check the shelves for a certain kind of cookie?

All totaled, she made 51 phone calls. A few of them said they had the kind she was looking for, but when she got there, it wasn't the right kind. She even checked E-bay. Someone was selling a box of them for $9.98 plus $9.95 shipping. These things only cost $1.19 to begin with. Now she was on a mission and was going to pay that price until I stopped her.

I explained that my time and gas was her Christmas present from me. I reiterated that in very clear term, so she understood. She accepted it. On Christmas Eve afternoon, we located one box at a store I have never been to in my life (and probably won't be in the near future.)
She had her box of Little Debbie bars, I had spent a half  tank of gas and several hours, total, and everyone was happy.
Do I enable her obsessions? Yeah, I guess. But when a $1.19 box of cookies is the ONLY thing she wanted......Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Is It Really Christmas Again?

At our house, we definitely know the real meaning of Christmas and we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus. However, knowing that does not preclude all the other  conversations and traditions that we have accumulated over the years.

Kalisha has the picture in her head of the Hallmark movies' 'shopping' model. She doesn't want to have WalMart bags in her hands. She wants to do the kind of shopping where she goes to the mall and emerges with beautiful bags (and lots of them) in her hands. She wants to buy for every person and friend she knows and she wants to have a Christmas party for her friends.

I understand all of that and I 'get it'...I truly do, but her plans never seem to work out as she sees them. Welcome to the real world, right?

This year, she is hung up on Bath and Body items. She has a bushel basket full of her own and assumes everyone would like the same thing she does. She even likes the B&B bags. You know, the paper bags. She posted on FB asking for anyone's extra bags from B&B.

She had each of her gifts in a cute gift bag but when she had collected enough B&B bags, she switched each one to one of those. I tried to explain these bags were shopping bags, meant to advertise B&B. She didn't care. THEN she wanted her debit card to purchase a $20 pack of these paper B&B bags from the internet. I drew the line there.
I asked "why?" I was trying so hard to get inside her head and figure what allure these bags had for her. She finally said, "I like the colors and the picture of the bears around the bottom."
So, here's what I learned from this adventure:
1) beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder...even in paper bags
2) does it really matter what she puts her gifts in?
3) the real sentiment is that she wants to buy for everyone
4) if you receive a gift from Kalisha, guaranteed it will be in one of these bags this year
5) by next year, she may be infatuated with something else
6) I think B&B should give her an advertising rebate check

I have made a deal with myself to be much more faithful about writing for this blog in 2016. Have a blessed Christmas.

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