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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Little Debbie....Round 2

To state Kalisha becomes obsessed with something is an understatement. I realize I have written about this before, but I am revisiting it today. I saw a cartoon on an autism site which said, "I am not addicted. I am obsessed." Yes, I understand.

At least it makes me know she is not alone in this way of thinking; although I have to say I sometimes forget that and have a hard time understanding her obsessions with some weird things (or so they seem to me.) There have been shoes, certain clothing, and PHONES, of course. I understand the phone thing; it is her lifeline, her 'normal' thing.

Her current 'thing she has to have' is Little Debbie Cakes. This is not the first time around for these.

If you have read this blog for any time at all or if you have read the book, Not Different Enough,
you already know she is occasionally obsessed about a person or persons. This usually ends badly; for her.
Several years ago, she was totally obsessed with a city bus driver and rode her bus every day. This woman took advantage of Kalisha's benevolent nature and asked for Little Debbie Cakes every day. I can't begin to tell you how many boxes were purchased and shared or just given to this woman. (If you owned stock in Little Debbie, I'm sure you saw an increase in dividends during this time.)
At one point, Kalisha had 6-7 boxes of the Valentine cakes in her room. When the friendship became a disaster, the cakes were moved to the basement cupboard and eventually disposed of or given away or eaten; I don't remember.
Since that time, Kalisha has had a box every now and then, but recently, the LD urge took over again. She started with one box. Okay. She didn't even open it; she just HAD it. Then last week, she went into Kroger to buy 5 bottles of her flavored water. She came out with water and 2 more boxes of Little Debbies.
 However, the kind she really wanted...because she saw them online and on FB (Little Debbie has a FB page....who knew? Obviously, Kalisha.) were only available at the Coldwater WM. She couldn't rest until she found a box of those.
I asked her to take a picture of her boxes for this post, so she lined them up on the couch. She keeps them in the garage refrigerator and as you can see in the photo, only opens a box to get one for her lunch when she is packing it for her volunteer job.
It isn't like she gobbles them all down in one day or even a week. She may have these 4 boxes until the end of the year; but she HAS them and that's what counts, for her.
I should probably be happy she is enamored with a fictional Little Debbie, instead of a real person. As I said earlier, those friendships rarely end well. More about the latest people obsession in the next post.



Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Conversations At the Funeral Home

I have no pictures for this post, darn...but I thought people might frown on me taking pictures last night at the funeral home.
The man in the casket, (I'll call him Jim) was the father of my ex-son-in-law. (Stay with me here. It gets complicated.) That means he was the grandfather of 3 of my grandchildren. I wouldn't say he was a friend, but we would visit with him and his wife at the grandkids' birthday parties and other gatherings over the years.
As we walked to the door of the funeral home, we passed a newly constructed area, approximately the size of a small room. There was a large, wall-size glass window in the front of it, right next to the sidewalk.
I said, "Look Kalisha. This is where they put your casket if you can't afford the big room inside. People can just walk past on the sidewalk and look at you."
She thought about that for a bit. I could see the wheels turning...then she looked at me and said, "What do they do if it's raining?" I had to tell her I was kidding; I had no idea what that room was for. But we had a good laugh about it.

As we stood in line, she asked, "So, he was the same age as Dad?"
"Yes, he was exactly one year younger than your dad."
"I wonder if anyone will call me when Dad dies."
"I'm sure someone will let you know, Kalisha."
"Will I have to say anything at the funeral?"
"I doubt it. But you better start practicing for what you're going to say at my funeral."
"Okay. Are you going to Dad's funeral?"
Now there's a question I have asked myself a few times. We were married for nearly 40 years and we do have 5 kids together, but would I go to the funeral? I haven't decided that yet.
"I will make sure you get there, Kalisha, whether I go or not."
"I think I better call Dad when we leave here."
"Why? Are you going to tell him you're checking on his health?"
"No. I will just talk for a little bit."
"Good idea."

When we reached his widow, Kalisha gave her a big hug and asked, "Are you going to be all right?"
Then..always wanting to know all the details, she asked, "Were you with him when he died?"
Sue explained the whole scenario and what happened and where and when.

Before we left, Kalisha spotted her ex-brother-in-law's half brother, Sam. (Are you still with me?)
We have not seen Sam in probably 10 years. I would not have recognized him. Kalisha went straight across the room to him, hugged him and told him she was sorry about his dad. I was watching and hoping this guy was really Sam. It was.
She saw several other people she knew. She is always gracious, shakes hands and chats a bit.

We left and as soon as she got outside, she called her dad. He was at a restaurant and didn't talk long. I think she just needed to know he was still alive or something.

Funeral homes do have a way of making you think about your own life and death, don't they?

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Getting It Right...Occasionally: Do We have To Change It?

Getting It Right...Occasionally: Do We have To Change It?: Kalisha likes her room just as it is ; dust bunnies and all. She knows where everything is and wants to keep it that way, even if 'that ...

Do We have To Change It?

Kalisha likes her room just as it is; dust bunnies and all. She knows where everything is and wants to keep it that way, even if 'that way' is a bit of a mess.
I recently made a list of all the tasks I wanted to do in each room of the house, including the basement, garage and deck. (I work much better with a list in hand, even if I change some things on the list.)
Kalisha's room was chosen to be the first in this undertaking; partly because it just required cleaning, rearranging and some 'throwing out' but no painting or redecorating.
She has had a FatHead ... this is a peelable life-sized image of someone....of Colts player #29, Joseph Addai, on her wall for several years. He is no longer a Colt and I'm not even sure he still plays in the NFL.
Although she really, really liked him, she did allow me to peel him off the wall, along with his number and helmet. THEN, I suggested we throw him away, instead of trying to 'save' him. I was pretty certain I was going to get some pushback, but she acquiesced, after hesitating for a bit.
Then I asked her to sort through all (and I mean a lot) her CDs and decide which were still good and which were scratched. That required entirely too much effort on her part, so we left them in the large bin under her bed. Another day, perhaps.
Drawers and DVDs were sort of sorted. That means I threw out all the socks with holes in them while she watched. I discovered 4 new pair, never worn; at the back of her drawer. Kalisha suffers from "male syndrome" (sorry, guys) which is this: If it is not visible in the immediate front of a drawer, it must not be there. Therefore she wears the same holey socks instead of looking for the new pairs in the back of the drawer. As you can see, socks are not high on her priority list.
THEN, we tackled the closet. Oh my. That took a bit because her closet isn't very big and she doesn't do the best job of hanging things on hangers. So first I had to empty the closet, then start putting things back.
Moving right along......we threw lots of scraps of paper away; old library receipts, notes, bank slips, grocery receipts. God forbid she ever throw any of it away when she gets home. No, it accumulates.
She also allowed me to put the last of her American Girl dolls in their boxes and store them in the back of the closet.
She wouldn't move or remove any Build-a-Bear animals.
 We did get some things on the shelf.
 And we added the clips to keep current papers visible.

 I covered up the Budweiser word on the top of her Colts sign..with electrical tape.
All in all, it looks good and the closet, drawers and desk are cleaned out. YES.
I was impressed with her agreeing to almost everything; she was more of the 'sidewalk superintendent' than the actual laborer, but I was happy she didn't argue about the boatload of stuff I threw away. That is particularly hard for Kalisha.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Keeping My Mouth Shut....close to impossible

I read a post on FB today that simply stated: "Some days my biggest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut."
Since we are in the 'social media' age, for me some days, it is also an accomplishment to keep my fingers from typing the words I want to say. (They aren't nice, in case you were wondering.)
I'm much better at  'Let It Go' when it is on my page or in a string of comments on a friend's page, but I have a very hard time when the comments are directed at Kalisha. I have always been a Momma Bear kind of mother with all my kids, unless I thought they could handle it on their own, but I really have to bite my tongue or shut my fingers in a drawer to keep from pouncing on some people.
Possibly 6 months ago, Kalisha and a friend had an argument about something. I ignored it since it wasn't the first one they had. I could hear Kalisha's end of the phone conversations. I wasn't eavesdropping; she was setting right by me. Kalisha was holding her own until the other person's parent and 2 more friends jumped in. Well, that was all she wrote. I took the phone and didn't stop for breath until I had said all I thought needed to be said.  (no swear words..are you impressed?) Needless to say, that friendship has never totally recovered. Surprise, surprise.

Now...I have already posted about Kalisha and her putting too many posts' on FB. She loves FB and uses it as her morning (and afternoon and evening) newspaper. Occasionally, I insist she delete a post or two.

Last week, she thought she was going to the mall with someone. They cancelled, saying they had to work. THEN the same someone was making plans to go with another person. The only thing Kalisha commented, was, "I thought you had to work."
Wooeee. Several people (females, of course) jumped in with scathing remarks to Kalisha. These were people she didn't even know. I was reading the remarks and wishing I could reach through my monitor and slap the snot out of a couple of them.

I refrained, but my fingers were almost purple from pinching them in my desk drawer. I advised Kalisha to withdraw from the conversation for her own good and because it would have only been a matter of time before I took over. (I know me so well.)

We have a few new rules about posting. Once in the am, once in the afternoon and once at night.
I am very proud of her. She is doing an excellent job. Her mother, on the other hand, is still wishing she had jumped in and retaliated but I'm sure I will have another chance to exercise my willpower, in the future.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

One way or another I'm gonna find ya/ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha

The title is the lyrics to a song by Blondie. Several other artists have recorded it, also. In the song, I believe the singer's intention is to find a particular person and 'catch' them doing something.

I chose the title for a very different reason. This is Kalisha's thought process when she zeroes in on a person she desperately wants for a friend.
She is like one of those little red lasers and it is pointed at a particular person. It has been a bone of contention at our house many times in the past and it probably will be in the future. No amount of talking, discussing, explaining or threatening can unlock her laser beam mentality once it is set.

I am giving away a copy of the book I wrote about 30 years of living with Kalisha.
If you already have a copy, win one for a friend or acquaintance. If you don't have a copy, leave a comment on this blog site (not on FB) and I will randomly select a winner on Monday, July 21st. I will contact you via e-mail and send your copy in the mail.
The friend obsession and MANY other topics are in the book. I think you will enjoy it.

Several months ago, Kalisha found a young woman on the bus and decided she would be her next 'friend conquest.' She has known this person for a long time, but for some unknown reason, has just recently determined to make her into a friend.
She begins by contacting her and messaging her on FaceBook. She gets her cell phone number and calls (only at designated times; she understands boundaries). She invites her to go places and although disappointed when it doesn't happen, she won't give up.
We discuss the fact Kalisha wants this person to be her friend a WHOLE LOT MORE than she wants to be Kalisha's friend.

Kalisha does understand that. She will even repeat it, but she can't quite convince herself of it.

Don't feel sorry for Kalisha; she has a lot of friends. However, there is always that ONE that she must conquer. Does she sound like a stalker? A little bit. She invited this new person to a baseball game; even bought the tickets and I was going to be the transportation both ways. The day before the game, the friend cancelled for a flimsy reason. I was furious with the friend, but I could have predicted that happening.
Kalisha was sad for a while and extremely disappointed, but the minute the friend suggested meeting at a concert, all was forgotten and forgiven.

Kalisha has come a long way, believe it or not. When the FRIEND couldn't go to the baseball game, she called another friend and they had a good time together. In the past, she might have refused to go with anyone else or been a 'sad sack' all during the ballgame.
 There have been times in the past when she was obsessed with a CAPITAL "O" and the obsession ruled her every waking moment. She wouldn't attend any other events or volunteer or anything else. Her entire world revolved around the selected person. She has matured 98% from those days. She goes to her obligations and talks with other friends, but this 'friend' is always in the back of her mind.
I will let it play out as long as she isn't in danger and pray it will be a legitimate friendship. Sometimes, once the friendship is solidified, the obsession is gone.
*Remember to leave a comment so you will be in the drawing for a free book.
Until Blogger can fix the 'comment' box on this post, please leave a comment on my facebook page and you will be eligible for the free book. GRRRRRR